We are not good at listening. Let’s be honest, from the youngest to the oldest, me, you… our ability to genuinely listen to another person, listen to ourselves, and listen to our God is lacking. Rick Rubin said in “The Creative Act” this is to our determinant. Here is how Rubin defines listening:
“Formulating an opinion is not listening. Neither is preparing a response, or defending our position or attacking another’s. To listen impatiently is to hear nothing at all… Listening is suspending disbelief” (111).
Listening is suspending disbelief.
This rings true. If listening is only a vehicle to give my opinion, this is not listening. If listening is only the means to defend our position or attack another, have we truly listened?
The wisdom of listening is rich and ancient. People for millennia have struggled to listen to others, their own souls, and their God. This is to our detriment. Nothing of anything significant gets moved along apart from listening.
When I was in school, the teacher used to say, “Ryan, this is why we have two ears and one mouth.” When I’m talking, there's little chance of learning from the teacher. I’m not able to hear my classmates and what they may offer. Listening also keeps us from negative emotions.
The half brother of Jesus, James, wrote in his brief letter in the Bible:
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” -James 1:19-20
Be quick to hear, or listen. Slow to speak. Choose to listen first, and your words and response carefully. Error on the side of listening. Why?
I think the listening and careful speaking are also connected to anger.
We all experience the emotion of anger. We get angry over the stupid things we do, and the stupid things done by others. We get angry over the state of things in the world, and the project that didn’t come out like we’d hoped. Anger is a normal emotion, but anger unaddressed and out of control can lead to all kinds of sins and folly.
I’m certain the remedy of unbridled anger is connected to better listening. Listening to the other person instead of formulating their obvious allegiance to Satan because of political views. Instead of freaking out and entering the realm of rage, learning to listen to God, and the rumblings of the soul, and finding peace and calm.
Listening is built for the good of our souls and the good of our lives, art, and relationships. Let’s choose our speaking wisely, and learn to error on the side of listening. I think we’ll all be better for it.
Ryan, just wanted to thank you for advice you gave on an older podcast for new writers. I’m 71, a Christian, working on my first novel. In the early days of writing, I was doubtful that anyone would be interested. There’s nothing new under the sun. But in your podcast, you said what will make it different is your voice. I want you to know how strongly that resonated with me and encouraged me to continue on. Since that podcast, I’ve attended a writer’s conference, met an agent interested in my novel (which was only 1/3 complete] and am working with a mentor/editor. I’m now at 60,000 words with a goal of 90,000. I’ve shared your advice with several others who’ve been equally motivated.
In case you wondered if you make a difference, you do!
Your brother in Christ
Steve Newcomb
www.stevenewcomb.com